and she dreams again...

-Pentecost-
........

Today's mass ended up being a special mass for me. Because God was talking to me through father's sermon again. Again, because this ain't the first time. And ironically, it is always so timely, when I am upset about something, troubled, worried r need guidance. then, there qwhen I'm not expecting it, I get his answer. Or like today, when I prayed for him to give me some guidance on a few issues, I got it.

So, I will listen to his advice, and continue to try, continue to love, xontinute to perservere, in everything I do.

Like the little boys' performance of twinkle twinkle little star, he had someone next to him playing on both sides of the piano with him. No one could see the guy except this little boy. the performance was beautiful. This is what the holy spirit can do. And i believe, that it is possible as long as there is prayer and believe. So, I'll follow his advise, and continue.

You understand what i mean. Don't you.

and she dreams again...

Yes, I dream again. I'm always dreaming, and always daring to dream. About what I love, about who I love, and about what I can be or could have been like.
I'm hurting inside. I feel these tears inside my eyes, wanting to flow out and wet my whole face. My chest area is painful and I walk away from him. I don't think i can go on. Not with him treating me this way. I know I will inside, But i think my "doings" have to stop. I think he knows, I know and everyone else knows I like him. When we're just friends and nothing 'weird" is happening, we're fine and relaxed and buddies. But, Eerytime I try something, he backs off. He oesn't talk to me like the way he would. He was so cold tonight. Everything was awkward. He was sitting on the coach just next to me, and I didn't even look back at him. I only knew he is behind me. we didn't chat. not even aidle chatter. He did and said things i felt uncomfortable with. He wasn't listening when i was singing. He called my bro the entire time, and I have become invisible and non existent. What have I done? And I haven't even tried telling him.

I guess an angel is really not what i deserve. I deserve worse. He deserves better, and with that said, I guess I've lost the battle. No more calling him my baby, no more dreaming that he'll be mine someday, W, I love you. No one else but you. You go out there and make me proud. I'll always be just here, watching you.

Sis, thanks for always being here for me. I guess you won't need to hear all thses from me anymore. Dont' worry, i'm fine. Btw, I'll be staying home next week, so Not meeting you. You know why=) So, yeah. I'll see you aagin. Love ya.

and she dreams again...

Should I go over later? "he" Called my bro and said he and carrot are arranging to meet at SS's house...but "he" calkled my bor instead of me, right after i sent him three msgs last night. I feel embarrased? I feel paiseh, i don't know whether I want to go. Well, of coz, to meet hima day earlier than I usually get to, like Duh! But, I don't know how I'm gonna ....damn.

and she dreams again...


Wahaha...I already have fantasia's I believe song playing on my media player!! woohoo!

and she dreams again...

Happy ( ) yrs aniiversay to you and weijin my sis!!! =)

and she dreams again...

@am...My eyes are groggy...and my glands beneath my face are hurting, together with the terrible ulcers in my mouth...I'm staying home tomorrow. Need ta rest after agoing out so much this week! My family went to watch Shrek 2 Earlier...and WOW!!! It's so funny, and so entertaining! The sound designers did a fantabulous job! The animatords sure had fun spoofing every other fairytale they could think of!! whahaha *grinz*
Also went to alter my pants at U2 and collect dad's watch before that. Guess who found me on Hi5? Audrey chin!!! Oh gosh...daph, you know who i'm tokin abt! She like disappeared for so damn long!

Sis...so sorri dear...couldn't arrnge today...have smth for you actually...hehe=)

Tmr's Junita's bbq dinner...I'm not going...so J, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! celebrate in style!

K, koonz time...bleah

and she dreams again...


Man, i told myself I'd sleep early...it's already 4am...just took medicines, gonna koonz after this i promise! Results are out. My feelings? The same as it's always been.

American idol winner? Fantasia. I have to disagree with Wen, that Diana is NOT all i-am-cute girl. Diana and Fantasia both sing very well. I know it. Yes, diana is fat, and fantasia has big lips. Still, i'll stay objective. I tot it'd be diana at first. but she just didn't pull it off tonite. Nah-uh. She didn't hit the right notes. Fantasia was good with the last two songs, and she did tamyra gray proud. That was what confirmed my guesses that she'll win. of coz, America has been ever so suprising with thier choices.

Singapore Idol...please, don't let Glenn Ong judge.,Jacinta, yeah. Dick Lee, maybe. Anywa, we'll see. Every idol has differences. America is very lucky to Simon Cowell. I respect that guy.

Was on friendster and found practicurly all my kc friends. need I say more?

rite. Sleep.

and she dreams again...

Mum and I went shopping today, and we bought quite a lot of new clothes and footwear! Mum's the best at spoiling me! Wahaha...I'm really grateful though, coz I felt so guilty. I already have so much at home. I treated her to coffee bean though...coz I wanted to thank her...=) It was a lovely day

Best of all, i got in touch with Alex Choong, Ziyuan, Lijin, Shirin, Natalie, and previosly jeanie, and alex is trying to arrange for sharon to come along with us :) But maybe next week might not be feasible. These girls are my "gang" I used to hang out with in secondary school. RuoXi is overseas, and so is Sonia, Tracy, Mel Chin, and I've no idea who else...It was so nice, picking up the phone, sms-ing all of them, and it's like as if we've still been in touch these past three years. We yacked and chatted like as if we just graduated from sec schl yesterday. But out of all of us, onlt three aren't attached. Wahaha. I heard everyone else is attached, and their love stories can be written into a book now. !! keke (^___^)

Man am i happy to have them back in my life...=)

This week has been nostalgic week. Back to sec schl, back to sec schl frens...back to a good everything with everyone. I really wish it's that good, but anyway, decisions have also been made, focus is back again, and I'm ready to fight the next battle.

Family going out for movie tmr night, and actually suppose to meet sis tmr...but she too has smth on in the evening. I'm so sorry babe, cancelling again ... timing isn't too good. But I miss you too, dearly. I'll see you soon. Promise.

My "gang",we mie have ta delay coz i'll need time to organise everyone's schdules! Agh, they're mostly working, busy with bf's and all...gah.

I now have two ulcers on each side od my upper gum, and it's been there for a few days. It's hurting like freaking shit. Also flu stilll lingering. But, it's become something that is like part of me now.

I'm stoned. peace out.

and she dreams again...


I had a very good day today. It was special, it was different and it was memorable. It's also a bench mark for me.

I woke up early today, and i went back to KC to visit Mrs Sng and Lee lao Si. I also met up with Jean lau after sooo long. Everything was good. The talks all of us had, and the content being private, I'm sorry i can't reveal. Those who know Mrs Sng and lao si, i apologise I can't write here.

Going back felt good and weird. It sent shivers down my spine coz it felt strange and yet familiar...the Girl Guides are going on a lot of excursions now...BUT the darn notice borad still has weiling's picture??? ...the old picd are all there. Haiz!! Guides ar...wahahah

I bought a drink from the drinks stall, like I always do when I go back...and haha, the auntie and uncle were so happy to see me again! They old liao, so complaining business during hols poor and they can't find work putside...pitiful...

I had two people tell me today I've matrued alot since last time. I'm still shocked abotu what they said. but i accept it and believe that yes, I have, abit.

I had a good talk with my parents about my worries about school. Finally, coz I've made my decision and it's settled. However some things I need to do before I go back.

Also, with regards to my baby...finally told mum how serious I am. I think today, i've set a benchmark. Somethings are different now. I'm very, very happy. God, Thank you. Thank you for your unconditional blessings and protection.

and she dreams again...


Hee, My Bro cooked dinner today! :) Porridge, but, still, he cooked it. =) I can't do that --yet. Hahaha. (^__^)

Got more downloads!! yay!!

and she dreams again...


Hey all! Secod day waking up early!! It's an achievement and I'm very happy about that! So, i had a longer day, and definitely did more stuff! :)

Okies, Off to bathe, and will update later! =)

and she dreams again...

Church was alright today. baby cantored, AGAIN! haha...Thank goodness didn't ask mi...
Mel gave me her letter today after three weeks! grr... And we we helping ***** to choose songs for the upcmong auditions..whohohoh~ baby still hasn't joined...waiting, waiting! Yes, i was a little unhaply with him over wed's not coming...but i can NEVER get angry with him, that's my major problem, isn't it? So, of course i still treated him as well as i always do. But i felt that he was distant, today. Despite the time we spent chatting before mass. I bought a keychain for him yesterday...but i didn't give it to him..i wanted to burn more cds for him...but, that too, i didn't...I can't. You'll think me crazy, but even just staring at him from the side, when he came in today, was so comforting...and i wish i could that forever. But, of coz all these tiny moments end so fast. he wore brown with black today, and looked real good. Yes, now every sunday my post seems to be a dedication to him.

During mass, the choir mistress did something that made me very hurt. It was becoz she did something that offended my brother. Due to her stupif "flustered self". I nearly teared as i felt hurt, and unjustice.

That feeling, togethe4r with him being distant to me today...I really couldn't stand it. When we went to ntuc after dinner, i was walking around looking at the ice-creams and snacks, and i kept thinking to myself, whether it is any use at all, continuing all this. I want to, for sure, but is it logical to? His parents treat me and bro very well...they are such nice parents. But there was something he did which made ms start thinking. See, Uncle showed bro and I thier camera..coz they had a photo of a bird nest that formed in thier house, where they grew a plant. But baby said " Don't show the rest, behind, there are other photos...other people..." And i was a little hurt I guess, coz though it may be nothing, it meant i wasn't close nough to him, to be allowed privellege to see them.

I need some sleep. Don't worry, I'm so used to this already. This silly emo girl. Hahaha

and she dreams again...

(And Today is a Better day)

It was a great day and i have a story to share! Well, that's the later part. I went for the usual half a yr dental checkup and it was great to see the dentist again. (Not the cleaning part,) but just nice to see him again. Afterall, i have been going to this same dentist clinic for years..Forgot to mention, lunch was good. Orchard Point, new stores, new set meals. Absolutely nice. Dinner was just as good! (but that's later, too)

Went across to Centrepoint, and mum ended up purchasing a tiger cook wok and some other stuff for frying, making of pizzas, etc. That was quite well worth it. Nick and I got bored after the demos, so we hopped over to Times Bookshop. I bought two bookmarks, a keychain and a b-dae card (for my maths teacher, i'm going to visit next week) The other stuff is for someone else.

Then i was happy to find the book I'm reading presently. And since it is so much easier a to read, coz the fonts are bigger and all, I read from that instead.
Bought more stuff from cold storage, and had an ice-cream at macs, after which was a very nice jap dinner at......the food court! haha =D It was nice=) *oashi ne*

Why am i so happy? Coz i had a day out with my family, and today, it's reconfirmed time and again, that my family is so close knitted; no matter what happens, we are still too stuck to each other already. i mean that in the best way. I agree, there are days i feel tired, but there are better days where it's very cherished. I had an understanding today, and next week, my schedule is packed! Uh-huh, you heard me correctly. :)

I know it really may not be anything to some of you, but having to accomodate and sacrifice, and make my days more productive and happy, next week on, will be longer days, and fulfilling whatever i'm supposed to everyday. =) Yeah.

Startin off: Tues, back to sec schl and meet sec schl fren. Wed: out with mum shopping! Sales! Thurs: Out with ma sista! *wink, i know you're reading* Fri: LOTR exhibition! The rest of the days for family movie going, and other stuff.

I'm practising my singing again!! off I go for now. See Ya~

--Well, yes, I do have some worries to work on, but i think i'll be able to pull thru, somehow--with God's grace and guidance

and she dreams again...

I have quite a lot of fantasia, diana, jasmine and latoya songs...andseriously...fantasia and diana have some mad talent!!

arr...just had some potong ice-cream! So very delicious! hehee

and she dreams again...


I woke up, reading a used-to-be-friend's blog. After my other friend's brea-up, and not too long ago, another. I was telling myself, for the few long term relationships i know that are still going strong,please don't let them crumble or i'll really lose fatih in these love-ships.These, young, love-ships. Which makes me understand why Tris never quite had trust in these things. My used-to-be friend still misses someone deeply. And i think i can really understand that feeling. I'd never even seen him cry before. But he did this time.I don't know why i even care, but i guess we cant avoid what we truly feel for friends inside. Even though on appearance, we may not bother. But really he's chosen to have me out of his life, and it was too hurtful being taken as something non existent.So, i allowed it to become what it has become today. Perhaps he needed me out, coz then he could clearly know who he felt for. There are certain aspects of him i just can't tolerate, yet i think what i wrote for his testimonial will be something I cannot take back. Coz, afterall, it was true. To you, my used-to-be-friend, I wish you all the best, for the future, and like before, sincerely hope she'll belong to you again one day. Dun cry. God will bring her back to you, if he wills to. trust him alright? Like you ask all of us to. For once, dun advice with words, but with actions. And this tim,e do it for yourself.

I somehow believe you're reading this, so take care.

------------------
Woth all these relationships crumbling, my dearest W, im really don't have the courage to tell you what i feel for you. I love you. and i just cannot lose whatever that i have with you now.

and she dreams again...


Another friend couple broke up yesterday. The guy didnt give the girl warning, and simply left singapore for his homeland. haiz.

and she dreams again...


My dad made a comment about me looking nice when we were out tonite. That just made my day =) I seem to be happy when he's proud of me.

and she dreams again...


Mentally, and emotionally torturing day. I'm very down today, and I'm glad i could get away for the night. Sammie has gone off to australia.

and she dreams again...


Results are suppose to be out today...but i sooo DON'T see it lor.

and she dreams again...


oh...another evening has come. Finished mopping and i'm dripping as usual. Gonna go bathe soon. I woke up super late though, so thank goodness I feel more energised to do the job today. I hate it tht my hair gets all wet with sweat ...bleah. This is prob the only thibg i dont like abt holidays? yeah...

Nvm!! This week is an exciting week! heheee...coz tmr goin to chuch, meet saamie and fred, help them with p&w =) Before that, i wana go watch movie...hehee=) Wed, me, bro, lisa, carol, mitch, baby, wiejin, fred, we're all gonna send sammie off at the airport! wahaha, even though he's only going for a month! But sammie bro means too much to me le...thurs...go mass, nothing interesting la...err...kk, this week not super happening, but happy le! Then dad and mum sure wana go watch movie again (troy or shrek) on fri or sat! So, yay!!!!

and she dreams again...


Good nights baby.

and she dreams again...


Hmm, also he and I still sick. Seems the flu is lingering in us...all of us. My friend got married today, in india. She's 22 yrs old. wow.

and she dreams again...


**Happy**

Gosh...what a gr8 day! My baby cantored today! he did a gr8 job, and looked so much more rested compared to the recent weeks. His family didn't come today. But, he carried a bag today!! *haha, i stirke lottery!* he never carries a bag unless he's going to school you see. And my bro and I had a good time, like half an hr tokin to him. Practise ended early and I'm so very very happy for that!! (coz then i had time with him) Plus, he had to rush off for some school thing he;s working on. needless to say, he looked super good today! Keke.

Dinner was at Boon Tong Kee, and it was pretty darn good. My folks are in a weird mood today....gee...and...my fren joined s'pore idol!! hohohoh

and she dreams again...


It's been good being home the last two days...and i wasn't bored at all. Wgole day either wacthing vcds or helping out at home...or, well...sleeping..haha...I'm left with a few more episodes to the end of the show. The kind of relationship shancai and dao ming si go thru isn't one I'd want to go thru..hahaha. Still the show always moves me to tears, though i know it's just a drama.

I'm still experiencing stomach problems. Er, no other updates for now. I hope jus and xuye ting get better soon. Tomorrow is SUNDAY!! =) *ju fu wo ba*

and she dreams again....


Thanks for everyone's compliments about the new look!=)

I forgot to mention I cut my hair two days ago. Got it layered, thinned, ironed, till shoulder...it looked real good when the hairdresser was done, but now the rebonded look is gone. =( Haha. nbm la...nite.

and she dreams again...


I think I might just pass away one day.

and she dreams again...


Feeling?: sick.
Did: slept till pass afternooin ate and mopped up the whole friggin house.
Now: tired, waiting to bathe
And: Happy dl alot of stuff.
addictions now: My meteor garden vcd set and my novel.
OIthers: I miss my baby.
Seriosuly: I'm in hiatus, becuase i'm making a big decision about something. Need God's guidance.

and she dreams again...


A quarrel and me breaking down led me to not watching American Idol. I could only hear that the contestants did not too bad. I wasn't quite interested in Donner Summers anyway.
I've been fighting diarrhoea the whole night, and my stomach has been extremely painful and uncomfortable. I have been trying to "let out air", because that is the only way to ease the stomach's bloted feeling. A little bit of spices, and i get this horrid reactions from my body. No more fever but just nose still not well.

and she dreams again...


I just woek up. It's 4+ in the morning. Actually I woke up earlier, but have been tossing and turning. My nose is blocking and unblocking itself. My fever has gone down. But the whole afternoon till dinner, I had wind in my stomach. nearly vomitted twice. After sleeping since 1030pm, I can't sleep anymore. My mind is too active.

and she dreams again...



Today is one of those lousy days. I'm not well ( coz I didn't get enough rest the previous night, some food caused stomach problems and had a slight fever with blocked nose again). I'm beginning to believe I'll always be this ill. Mum and I had some differing opinions on some of my interests that didn't interets her so much. made me a little upset. My plans for tomorrow, i've cancelled most reluctantly as well. I'm so sorry,my babe. Goin off to church to help sammie now.

Please help pray for these few friends'grandmother and mothers: Sammie, Michelle and Randy respectively. All not doing too well health wise. Thanks. May the Lord heal them if it's his will.

see you ard.

and she dreams again...

BOOM! And blogger gives you a new funky interface, system and kots more! I say this is getting pretty cool=)

WEnt for third yr screenings today. Guys, only two stories were realli good, honeslty. And every single one had great cinematography. aiy.

Gosh, feeling a little sick, seemed the chilli in mum's chilli stingray too strong for me. had very little sleep too last nite.

alrite...gonna go play ard with this...bye

and she dreams again...



I'm really happy, happy that I have friends who'll sitck by me. Angel, sis, reading thru all yr sms again makes me laugh until my tummy pain! thank you so much dear.

Meliza, I think it's god's will, that we're in choir now. Thank you for yr sweet support like angel...thank you....may we write letters until we haf no more ink!! heheh *which will be never* hahahaha....

JIll, poor jill, girl, dun cry over such silly things ok? I realli din do anything. In fact I scold you for being so stu[id to cry over feeling disappointed with yrself about that kinda thing. *hug*.

And my bro...always and always...for being there for me...

angel, for chatting, sharing some chats tht i really treasure...

wen for a frenship i wun forget.

That would go to you also bright.

And you too chris...

Haha...the list could go on...tinybox frens...choir frens...ex colleagues...my ex and ria...sean padman...shaun...jus...vicki...

ahh and of coz...my celebrity "bro"..hahaha...eldred...others like jon sng....sasa...perl! brandon...jason...haha...=)

This week: tmr go schl for screenings, tue night, help sammie at church...wed, out with sis...thurs...out with mum and nick...and dad...fri at home help mum...sat...nothing yet....next week meet up with Juanita...yay! this week is fun

Baby, you made me look forward to this week, and becoz you were so sweet tonight, even though you may not know, you made my mothers' day extra good coz i was even happier...thx baby

and she dreams again...


hey everyone!!! I had a great mothers' day=)

These are the highlights of my day:

Gota talk with baby today=) He was so suprised that I burnt cds for him and sister's baby, coz he didn't know about it. Hehe, and he wore red!! He looks absolutely charming in red! Poor dear is also like me, still a little ill. We're kinda worried for our voices.

Meliza lent me her sister's meteor garden vcd set for season one!!!! Olrite! I've got 20 episodes to watch now! Woohoo!

Mothers' day celebration in church was really special. All mothers were given fresh roses! My choir sang Praise her with a flower and it sounded real good. We were short of alot of important people today, but none the less we did our best!

Nick and I treated my parents to pizza hut dinner. Coz they deserve the best. I hate ph's service though, but that did not affect our mood tonight. dad and mum were really touched. We also bought mum a yam cake from bread talk. she felt bad that we spent so much, but what is that compared to what she has done for us?? nothing at all. I love you mum.

After dinner, we bumped into Daniel and geraldine!! Wow. It was extremely great to see them. I felt a little rush of blood to my head though, coz I just felt embarassed, like how when i meet gabriel at church and i just dun expect it?? Yea, that kinda thing. Too happy.

We went to cold storage and watsons after dinner. Did a little shopping and amde our way home. the yam cake is delicious!. My family sure has put on weight from two nights of overeating! hahaha.

I've read my novel until chapter seven already. I'm totally hooked onto it.

Had a nice chat with angel too. I'm so glad i have her, meliza, jill, and my other gd friends from choir. My support outside of family and comforting.

I will sleep well tonight. Thank You for such a great day. I love you.

and she dreams again...


Alright!! New layout! Finally! Opinions?? Hehe, I took the orginal, changed the crollbar colour and vwala! I actually got it the way i wanted it! I made the side lenth and all longer too...coz ive got so much rubbish hahahaha...man, first time i managed to solve tht problem!! yay! I love d layout! nice and sweet=)

and she dreams again...


I'm feeling much better today :) I syated up late last night and confided in my bro (like many other nights). He gave me advice, helped me find answers to certain feelings I was eelings recently. He comforted me and we enede up sleeping really late. I feel so bad coz he had to load his final project in school early this morning. He had only three hours of sleep. Plus he didn't sleep much the last few nights, as he was completing his final project. I'm really glad I have him to talk to, since last time, now and forever. We talked about many issues, with regard to come things i kept thinking about and feeling. Some of which included future partners, future jobs and studies, and some other more "nonsense" thoughts I had. What's different about the talks nowadays that we sahre, and previously when i was one, two years younger, is that i can rationalise and reason and understand things instead of being head on with what I felt and not bothering or at that time, being unable to understand why certain things were such. I'm extremely happy about that. And I hope to become morea dn more mature this year.

I woke up this afternoon (hehe) with dad already back home from half day work, and bro back home from school. dad's saturday afternoon "snacks" or "quehs" that he buys only on weekends, were already sitting on the table. heh, I was afraid he might scold me for waking up late. But he was already napping coz he was so tired. I finished branch quickly, and started wiping furniture. he woke up some time later, and while he was reading the newspapers, he said" That's very nice of you to help mum wipe the furniture" =) I was really delighted to hear that. I wasn't expecting it coz this is what they expect me to do. And mum isn't getting any younger, so now i feel happy helping out. It was a very quiet afternoon in my condo, and at home. It was very peaceful and quiet. It was a nice feeling. I went about the housechores happily and quietly. Keeping clothes, keeping dishes, and I felt good about it.

Ar night, dad brought all of us to the Rivervale hotel, for japaneses a-la-carte unlimited buffet. I just came back from dinner not long ago. The dinner was very delicious and really treats your taste buds!!! Hahaha. =p When they mean a-la-carte buffet, means they have a menu, you order what you want, and they serve it to you. You pay a standard price for unlimited re-fills of food, tea, drinks, soup and everything basically on the menu!!. After dinner was over, we moved to another room they had, just for dessert. ice-cream cake,tea, coffee qand other beverages were on the list. Wow, My tummy is full and like how my bro and I used to call it "sa-ti-fied" hahahaa =)

It was a much better day today. the dinner was for mothers' day celebration. Mum was given a spa 180 bucks voucher, and a mothers' day gift package. Cool hah? hehehe I love them.

and she dreams again...


It's 3am, i've been reading my novel, and suddenly had a rush to write in my diray/journal. I finished the last few pages of the book, closed it, kept it away and opened a new one. I wrote another entry. I was about to keep away the diary i just finished when i took out the last few. The last few which accompanied me thru 17 yrs old, 18 yrs old. and i read some of the entries...each dary had someone special in it...after a while, I couldn't take it and stopped reading coz the memories were all coming back. Dun wana be thinkin of these stuff and whats going on now. Man, i really had quite a lot of stuff with guys before. srota. Boredom and mundanity makes oen think too much. I mopped today, and suprisingaly didn't feel as tired. perhaps i'm getting used to it now. Mum cooked a delicious dinner for us. I really enjoyed that/ dad is bringing us to eat jap tmr. Then my bro and I are gonna buy mum a cake and treat her to terpenyaki on sunday. So, after washing up dinner stuff, my mood strated to set in again. I read quite a lot tonight, but the songs on radio and lately, my staying home too much and some other thoughts i'm trying hard to fight are getting to me. Got quite upset again. No point revealing too much on a blog. i wrote them down and i'll do w/o repeating them again here. I feel a little like I'm being someone i'm totally entirely not. Some parts of me .

and she dreams again...


I will walk out into my balcony once in a while, and when i do so, which isn't often, but mostly at night, the scenery is beautiful. In my small but nice and cold balcony, the clouds and moon look lovely. The planes that fly across every three minustes are flashing with lovely lights. I like the scenery. The clouds always make me marvel at nature.
I'd just finished watching liu xing hua yuan aka meteor garden, chatting with two friends online and am now typing this entry. I look forward to meteor garden. i do not at all bother whether the actors are liked or disliked. What I really ejoy is meteor garden's love story. I've always, since season one was on tv, had a very strong connection with the show. It will always make me think alot about the story after i've watched two hours worth of it every week. I'd even cry when there are emotional parts of the story, like background music playing, words on screen, shan cai running, stuff like that. yea, i'm quite a sucker for love stories.=) I was talking to two friends, and one doesn't like it. Another has the same sentiments as me. Wahaha. I'm thrilled coz the one who doesn't like it, her sis has season one, and she's lending it to me. Haha. *Finally* i get to watch season one and maybe keep it. keke. Season two is ex though...sad...will haf to save if i really want it. It's very pricey man.

Seems I'm one of the few left w/o specialist and I'd tell you I'm fine with it. I was just speaking with someone about it, and I said to that person coz he told me I don't haf such a good working reputation, hence why people don't want me in the group. I told him yes, it's true, coz I'd lose steam fast on location and coz i was working with the elites most of the time i was in a video location group, i could not work under preasure and I took on small roles. I didn't have to work so much. Plus, i've not been given anything big before. Even though I tell people now, that I'd like to do editing, anyone who isn't sure, would not take me in. I understand. I'm fine with it. I'd rathe not be chosen then be treated as extra later. I'd also rather nor just be in a grp for the sake of finding a grp, and later having to deal with unreasonable, or selfish behaviour.

Well, today I had a gd time with mel. We walked a little of tm and got sick of it. Ended up in KR (kenny rogers) early and had an early, three hr dinner. Hahaha. The company and food was good. =) Well, now it's back to reading another chapter of Memoirs of a geisha. i can't pass a day w/o reading it. It's really interesting. Night. I love ya dear.

and she dreams again...


I was quite tired out by the time dinner was over at sis's place...hehe, she could tell! *hmm* hahaha. Felt so paiseh to leave early just like thatr, but I wanted to go home too. I took a cabbie, but luckily it's so near by...hahaha=) I really enjoyed myself today, even though it was normal. I did, coz i got out of the house and had a sweet time with my sista...thanks dear. meeting my penpal tmr...yeah, you know who..heheee...(now, whatcha thinkin man). Finally going out with tt girl after ages! Alritey, folks...seeya!

and she dreams again...


I'm at angel's house now...and weijin just came over! Wow, her mum is cooking alot of nice stuff for us! hehe, ...yeah, i think i kinda wish baby could come too...but oh well..hehee...angel seemed tired today..i think coz of her swimming! Angel, dear, you don't look tan k? hahaha...anyways, just now we went TM...keke...but couldn't find stuff...so we are now at her place! hehee...will update later!!

and she dreams again...


yay! finally i csan do mi stuffs!!!

and she dreams again...


What we each haf to deal with in different homes. w e i r d .

and she dreams again...



I HATE MOPPING! i hate mopping. Haiz...i do it all outta love...i cannot deny tht i dislike heavy household chores alot.
Every holiday, if i don't get a job, and coz i'm free, i'm expected to help out at home everyday. If i want to go out, damn the preasure is on.. Die die also must help. If not, head get chopped off first before i can go out. That's the expectation. But everytime, i feel like i hate doing whatever it is, i just grit my teeth and do it...cozi know if it's tiring for me, it must be worse for mum. And to save myself from dad saying i dont do a darn thing, esp coz i'm a girl, so grown and i shld contribute more...blah blah...yar, so ido it. You know what i dun like? If i do, im watched and mum will say alot of things tht i not doing it her way. If i dun wan to do, no need to say where i'll be sleeping tht nite la. Haiya. Very stiffled sometimes. Sis ar, she do little things ar...everyday go out...tsk tsk...sometimes i wanan be like tt too...but of coz not when i hf no moeny la. I like being home too, but not everyday. There must be a balance la.

and she dreams again...




Blah. Bored la

what are you doing?

and she dreams again...


Baby is lucky. He's so close to his cousins joey and joel...just last night, he and jin went to thier house to stay overnight. they're i think practically like siblings. They are really very close. makes me think back on the times that Nick and I used to stay over at my god bro's house...that was many years ago. We don't do it anymore, and we seem to haf outgrown that idea? i would love to stay over at my friend's place though, coz I never had the chance to. But here, they still get to.

and she dreams again...



Being down with flu, and it causing me to be unable to sing has made me pretty upset. This is how my hols has started. I couldn't breathe well today during choir and mass. Dad was commisioned with new communion ministers again today. So happy. Godpa and Godma are also our church's pretty impt people...esp with the current things happening in the dialesis. The things happening in Singapore have added to the not so happening mood.

I'm feeling down, and i found out my pen-pal, one of my closest friends, who is with me in choir now, her father is suffering from motor neuron disease since last year. he can't walk now, and she even has accepted the fact that he'll be leaving her in a few years time. yet she's so strong. Se prayed to god everytime she had difficulties. She was the first in her family to become catholic a few yrs back when we were in sec four. Since then, her family members all became catholics one after the other. She has matured so much. I can witness the drastic difference in her character now and before when we werein primary school. It's really a 360 degree change. She used to be spolit brat attitude, gang leader kind of "feng du", hot tempered and unreasonable. In secondary, she cnaged and now, she is sweet, holy, has her own style, quiet, and matured. I'm rpoud of her, and she's really strong. I'll wanan be there for her always.

I ...I'm so stupid. I waited one whole week to see my bay, but i didn't even get a chance to talk to him at all. Both of us are ill, and tired today. But i could only sit there in my sopranos section, and watch my bro chatting with him, or anyoen else for that matter. I couldn't hang ard before mass coz my nose was killing me, and had to rush off for RCIA after mass. Plus, I nearly sprained my ankle walking down the stairs. Too distracted. I know it sounds so pathethic, but I can't overdo trying to tok to him and all, coz i'm afraid of what he might think, so i wait till sunday...and every week, it's like that...I look my best , even if i'm sick...and all i want is just to talk to him for a short while...but i can't. I just can't. I feel dumb, and i feel hurt. hurt i cause upon myself. WAIT. that's all i can do. Nick knew i was upset abt it since i was so quiet during dinner. Well, also coz i am pretty tired today.

I'm finally going out this week. meeting sis on wed, and mel on thurs...the rest of the days i don't know. Stay home again. I want to meet up with james, but i find it awkward to meet alone with him. i don't want. bright seems busy...haiz...Xiao Wen just told me she's starting work...she's so yper abt it, i'm happy for her!

I'm waiting for sas to get back to me. I so need a job to keep me busy and earn money. I can't stand being at home 24/7. I love home, but no...not all the time...

and she dreams again...


yes! Finally gotta get out of the house...went for dinner, and felt good to be out la..even though i didnt roam ard TM much...coz dad and mum had this weird squabble...old pple can be childish too..haiz...like second childhood is starting...nick and I had to bare with their lil pride "talking"...man...Got home and chatted with sis...going out with her next wed!! yippee

and she dreams again...


It's a habit now...I don't know...to feel low and emo at night. Talking to sis ain't helping much...not that i don't appreciate it..even chatted with half bro earlier...but I think I miss him very badly. I can't get near him, I can't find out what he's doing. I can only wait for that short while on sunday, to see him. I miss him. I don't know how long more I can take it. I just really wish I can go out everyday like sis, to town, with baby, or wth other friends...and not worry that i'm not home much. Being sick now is one thing...but I kmpow even after i recover i won't be out much. Ive ask theresa for a job...hope i get it...i'm getting too bored. I did manage to play piano today. And I haf started to read my sroty book. Quite happy about that. But this hols is making me feel sad. Specialist is down in the dumps too. Listening to 933 now. It's my fav station, besides 987 or 95...coz it always has nice songs, esp at nite. But, it's also the quiet moments tht go with the music...that amkes me feel down. Its a stupid excuse la.