and she dreams again...

DONT WORRIE. after i write, im fine. in the end, we still MUST do what we have to do, want to do, dont want to do, shld do, and always expected to do. . I'll always be fine, somehow.

and she dreams again...

dont know
whats wrong
why i get so emo at nite
why i cant seem to balance even tho i try so much
why i make myself think stupid things
why im treated so well by everyone...sometimes feel i dont deserve it.
im just rattling like a stupid girl at 435am...maybe im tired and need sleep.
why maybe aftrer hearing a song i became sad.
why this happens, why tht happens..why to anything.
whats wrong with me most of the time.
i feel im not gd enuff.
sometimes i just hate myself.
sometimes i just feel like slapping myself and i do it.
i tend to be down easily too, so who am i to tell someone else off for feeling down...sometimes theres just no reason...
sometimes we ralli cant explain.
this is the last line of the entry.

and she dreams again...

three hours plus two
These two days were probably my longest in some time.
I was in schl at 9am yesterday for efp class. I couldnt finish content analysis, and I realli felt i either do it well or not do it at all. On a normal week, I would biah and burn the midnight oil even more than i normally do, and finish it. But I had to keep in consideration that i was gonna be in schl till late last night for specs voice over recording. And also, I had campus event shoot bright and early this morning in school, singing class at night, and I'm singing solo, duets and all on sunday for our important welcome tea party for the new recruits of the choir. I have to keep in good shape till sunday, and it's curcial. I lose my voice and flu gets worse, i'll be in quite a bit of a mess.

Lets say my friday went quite badly, till nite time. I met dear after schl for dinner, and we found the Music Dreamers Life! Cafe, (ai qing hai) ming ge can ting after much perserverance in trying to find that place. Marina square is just TOO big. The food there is alright, there's cover charge which they cleverly tell you after you've stepped in and ordered food, and it comes alogn with ANY drink there. their drinks are really quite impressive taste and size wise. OMG. The second set had wei bing, 933 dj, and a fantastic male singer there. I coud kill for such vocals. Really. He puts every single SI contestant to shame. he's awesome. It was excellent to hear weibing sing as well. She's an old timer there already!! I definitely wana head back there to listen to them sing again! I talked to her and her live show partner and it was just awesome. Unwining to the sound of GOOD music and vocals at the end of a long tiring stressed out day was really the best thing I could have had on friday. Thanks dear for walking all over to find the cafe. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I slept three hrs after i got home and bathed. I woke up disgusted by how little sleep i had, and forced myself to head to school for shoot. I think the amount of preparation to set up wasnt worth the shoot really. The event was too casual and informal. Oh well. I had a gd rest in the afternoon and went for singing clas earlier. Finally, I'm back home and trying to figure out my new handphone. No lah, it's nothing much k. I have a new plan now and i have FREE IN COMING all day so CALL ME!!!! It's a panasonic phone and geesh im so not used to it! Whats sadder, its got quite cool features lah, but im at a blurr how to operate it...and all my nokia phone folders with messeges are all gone. F*ck.

ahh, aniwae. I am happy. I cant wait for schl to be done. I wana work. i wana finish up ah.

and she dreams again...

Oh no. I suddenly feel like watching more F.R.I.E.N.D.S hahaha. I bought episodes five to eight of season ten for my presentation, and i just watched five. I was breakding it down, and have done 1/4 of the Content Analysis Presentation. 3/4 more to go for the rest of the week. "man man lai" sure can one. Tmr have important media law lecture!!!!!! Musn't, MUSN'T sleep in class tmr! . *musn'tsleepmusn'tsleep*. R II T E. so i gtg now. tired, and in need of rest. Looking forward to a great day ahead!!!!! gd nite all!

p/s: There's one thing I respect Ana for. That is she always been able to cope with work, studies, at one time bf, and driving lessons. And she always could afford her nice elctronic gadgets thru her own hard earned money. I will like to do tht soon as well.

So on my list when I start working are
- new handphone
-camera
-mp3 player.
-Lappie.
-PDA.
-....MY OWN HOUSE! hahahahahaa
- holiday.
-soem serious retail theraphy. INDULGE. ahahahahahaahha

yeah! WAHAHAHA. Seriously, I prob would just get the phone first. Maybe the phone might have everythign already!!!

and she dreams again...

Verbal Diarrhoea due to withdrawal systoms of not writing here

I have not posted in a very long time. I've been wanting to, and I have lots to say. I have lots to "release". I realised V-day went by, and though I had a post on 14 feb, I didn't talk about it. Since some people are keen to hear it, and some are not ( from what I read on other blogs), I shall just say I had a very lovely evening with my dear that day. And it's interesting really that though we remember such a day, once you're attached, it really doesn not make too much of a difference since it is Valentines day everyday. I have to agree to a certain extent that I feel that way. However, if I have no one to spend it with when I do, that would be a little weird eh? Hehe.

Since then, a week has passed. What has happened in this week? I met up with my fav sisters Meliza and Angelina on tues with my dear. The feeling of catching up with them and doing all the girly stuff was splendid. What made me happier was they wanted him there, and they like his company as much as I enjoy theirs. =) Wesnesday, i asked dear to follow me to Sim Lim to get digi beta and vhs tapes for specs. WAHH, whatcha know, i was suppose to buy a beta SP tape. Dope, so i changed tha tape on Friday. Thursday, I had shoot, which really does not need any further elaborating on my side. Joined Harri, dear, Abdul, Redza for jam in the evening. Went down to KC to visit my teachers even. It was a day well spent. Friday was really dearly spent.

Sat and Sun went by too fast. Sat was mum's bday celebration and cny dinner (AGAIN). But, i'm rather happy I got a secret angbao. Not much, but better than nothing. Ive had two secret ang baos thus far. Hoho. Thta helped a teeny weeny bit. The party was nice and my godbros, myself and my bro were discussing stuff for godma's silver anniversary celebrations in August. It was superb to see Jill and Sara again as well. For those who don't know, Jill has been my friend since primary one. She goes way back with me like Annizell, whoose been with me since kindergarden. I miss that girl alot, but now she's overseas studying. Thank God for MSN. The time difference is 16 hrs but she makes it a point to wake up bright and early to talk to pple back home. That's a very sweet gesture on her part.I feel bad that I didn't hang out with her in the end when she came back last hols. I don't know what I was hesitant about.

Sunday went by fast but I had a rather long day. Recruitment weekend for us and we have on the list 86 new members. WHOA. : ) The choir presently has 70 members i think, but when we have such a recruitment drive, if we can get about half or less than half of the recruited amount, we're very very lucky already. So far, my soprano section, the alto section and the tenors section already have one new member each. I'm happy. We have a welcome tea part for them next Sunday before practise. I have to be in church at 3pm or maybe even earlier!! What's more, we have to prepare some grp and solo songs for the party...plus i'm cantoring on sunday!!!! WAHHH. alotalotalot lehz.

Sundays now feel like a heavier responsibility, coz I'm officially in charge of my section. I have to constantly set an example for my section as soprano head. I have to be disciplined during practise, alert, observant, and keep my own section in order. fwah. hehe. The heat is on, really, with our choir head so xiao ons.

So, we're back to monday today. i missed first class, and wasn't thick skin enough to go into class. Second class was like as uual and darn am i glad we're done with that presentation. I had a nice time with Ana after that. I had to pop by video ez opp gutrie house, and hoho, guess who we meet? JUS. Justin...remember? Yes, Justin our senior..the crazy fella. That nice dude is now working there. =) Ana treated me to coffee bean later, and I really am grateful to have her stick by me all this while. Thanks so much Ana dearie.

Lots of other things have happened of cause besides all thses daily events. Vicki still has a place in me which will always remember her sweetness, and everything about her that was lovely. Daniel asured me she is with God, because as long as she didn't reject God, and was still desiring the good, she would retuyrn to God. God would see that what she chose as her only answer tp everything as something she mislead herself to. He would call her to him. I feel happy she's safe now. Vicki, we're all wishing the best for you, mei nu. " hui, mei nu!" hahah.=)

There is a general consencus among the year threes, that we're all worn out and tired. Many of us want the semester to end, and want to finish up our work. Soem of us want to get it doen but just have no more energy and drive to go on. Now, we talk about which unis we want to enroll into, or which jobs we're looking for.

Recently, I went for a recording. It's a company I chanced upon in century square. I recorded two songs for free as it was a free trial. I intend to record my demos there, unless I am able to do it at home, yes dear? I have been practising my songs alongside those needed for my regular practises. One thins has always remained clear to me. I love singing. I can do without almost everything except my voice and my love for music. The passion is too strong to waver. The will to become better at my craft grows stronger by the seconds, and my deteremination to get somewhere with this voice is just screaming its way outta me.

Dear and I have been going through some of our own personal mind battles recently. I hope we become straonger after it. I pray for wisdom always, for guidance, for discipline, understanding and balance from God. I thank him too deeply for his constant comfort, and reassurance.

I'll write till here. Truts in him , remain positive, be strong, and everything will turn out fine. I have to believe in this. Take care all of you.
(No, I don't wish to entertain any silly comments or anything to do with blog invasions or anything of that sort. Pls look elsewhere.)

Love, mel

and she dreams again...

its 430am. dear has gone to sleep, poor baby. tired la he.

While we were chatting online earlier, he told me abt the jam he had today. he said he played till his heart's content. : ). You have no idea how happy I was when I heard that. Anything that makes him happy, makes me smile. Becoz its so important for me to know he is happy.

I'll be jamming with his band next week. too bad no recording!!! nvm, i am really looking forward to it!!!!

I have also been doing my work ok! Yes, paperwork is getting lesser day by day! wohoo...hahaha!

Today, when I reached dear's place, and rene was still sleeping, I stepped in, and saw my dear's smiling face. he was very happy, and really, that's all that matters. We also did some catching up with vera over the phone, and hopefully we can meet her soon!

This week, i'll be catching up with mel too, coz tht babe means the world to me as well, and further weeks i'll take my time to catch up with some improtant friends that ive not had the time to be with.

Ive been wanting to say how happy i am, not only to have him with me, but to get along so well with his family and his brothers' girlfriends. Yeah. Too bad, my parents still don't know. I hope next yr's cny will be good for us. it shld be. It must be. I want it to be.

I love you dear. Happy V day, and happy anniv.

and she dreams again...

I'm, really, reelli, realli, very happy : )

and she dreams again...

It was suppose to be a great party at home tonight, with the usual people. But mum wasn't well and cancelled it. There's more to that, but this isn't a place to elaborate such detail. So, i woek up in the late afternoon, started my day slow, and got down to some work by late evening. For the production booklet, I still have quite a bit to type out. I planned to finish up two sections, but I've done one, so that's very good for today.

I also loaded another stack of my cds that were on the floor into my comp now. From five, six stacks that were on my floor since start of the semester, there are now two left. YAY.
I spoke with C online, (my clasmate), and he gave me such strange reactions to my very normal questions tonite. I just saw him online and asked things like "wah ,y uo're still up?"...and he was acting all weird. Gee.

I'm gona head to bed soon. YEAAAAHHHH, finally can see my dear tmr before church!! AHH, it's been an emotional few days for both of us! Sorry for the previous whiny entry, but I really felt terrible. Now, I'm just looking forward to tmr, and VDAY!

=) Im glad dear has his best friend...otherwise the days would be so much harder for him. I wonder if TE will still ask them to work.....
Anyway, hope you all enjoyed yr cny man. BLEAH.

SIAN. i shall hang ard here a little, and sleep. GOODNITEY everybody!

and she dreams again...

BEING AWAY FROM HIM IS KILLING ME.

HAVING so little time with him is killing me.

having so little time with friends becoz of my restrictions is killing me.

I MISS HIM .

I miss mel.

i hope ana and i do get to meet up outside soon.

I hope i do get to ctach up with friends soon.

BUT, first, i need to be with him like NOW. wait. like YESTERDAY.

......

im sorry baby.

and she dreams again...

We all need someone to knock us awake sometimes, and make us realise that we can be very sellfish towards loved ones like family. We all need someone to bring us back down to earth sometimes when we become unbalanced and vexed up for the wrong reasons. I dislike myself for always losing the balance, for always forgetting my groundings, my roots, and counting my blessings, how fortunate I am.

Thank you Uncle A for your unknowingly very timely talk we had at yr house today. I needed it and truly believe God, you were speaking to me through him. Thank you for answering my prayers. I just needed that little "nudge" like as if something from my brain was dislocated. I wonder why I always become like that. Do I truly care for my family or not? Nvm..I'll pass that.

and more sushii..hoho

and she dreams again...

What Would It Be Like, To Swing On A Star, Or Walk On A Cloud?
Would It Be Anything Like What I Feel When You're Near?

the sushi story on cny eve..hahaa

me and HARRI!!

dear..and simon....i like this pic..the way harri took it..feels like they are overseas...haha

and she dreams again...

The unhappy day tht ended happy. sorta. heh.

Today was not my lucky day. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, after a sleepless nite. nvm that. I was so late, my editor wasnt pleased la, and I shld ans to him, so I took a cab down to schl. *big hole in pocket* Not happy with myself already.

Went there and realised i forgot how to use the matroc primiere software. OH GREAT. I was skipping lesson at the expence of finishing roller credits. My fault again. Double dope. I tried hard, but got fed up. Decided to leave it to my editor coz I really didnt wana screw things up.

i decided to take out my cd player next, to realise the batts were dead. I headed down to one of the small shops, but it was closed. I went to another. sheesh. *sweat* Weather has been awfully hot. Finally, thie gurl is happy with new stationary and BATTERIES : )

I head off to another class. Happy to finish it off, I get a call from my elder brother. sad news.
.................................................

Headed down to orchard to celebrate my dear harriet's berfday! : ) Great company, great thai food. I felt Harri was truly happy tonight. That meant so much to me. happy berfday AGAIN gurl. You're a precious friend.

[ it was so sweet seeing you today...]

oh...gosh...i like this one very much..i noe she altered the yellow a bit..i think? dun care its very nice...

harri took a damn cool pic of my dear..ahaha bet she used flash...

and she dreams again...

Love is hard to come by. Treasure it with all you can. I have realised that.

I miss mel...hope to meet her soon.

Had a really nice time with harri and afni and dear today..tired..but heck .

the beautiful red sky..at marine parade...in the evening...lovely..

: )

febby and dear...at in harri's room..the first time dear let me just snap photos and videos of him...i was thinking of buying over this guit from harri's friend...like next yr..but its a bit too big for me..nonetheless beautiful colour...

its soo amazingly...breathtaking...

hahah i put it on my desktop...

hohoh so so nice...

the cow..from my bro...the "mel" from my godbro...and my fav star...

hahah...

yea..i am SO flexible!! whehee

hello everyone! My name is Febby! Short form for february, and fabulous! HEHE =) see im soo cute!

she's sooo sooo loveable...

me and weiyi at the banquet some time ago...

SHOOO cute rite!!!! hehe

me and my godbro...one of my godbros lah..haha...not those anyhow godbro hor..i dont do tht since im catholic...at a wedding we attended recently..

and she dreams again...

Sometimes we just have to believe.
Sometimes it just has to be seen in many angles.
It may never be what you judge it to be.

ahah! some random thoughts for the day. Mum cooked so much omelette today, and cooked bro's fav soup. Now, back to revising. I really wonder how much I remember. Been revising since last month's dunnoe when. Of coz once in a while lah. But i learnt from rene that a child absorbs 60 percent of what was just taught to him, but adults only absorb 5 percent. Now we understand why we find it so difficult to learn things when we're older. i would love to remember my song lyrcis and guitar chord arrangements the way i used to when I was a child.

off I go for today. Hope the jazz fusion band gig my friends are at now is superb! Also hope Rene is alright at work. hope everyone is feeling ok today.

and she dreams again...

TIRED.

I only have words for today.
Long/hot/time/heated/earshot/
shock/worry/run/wait/terrible/

and letters r/j/f/m/

bro/tired/me/sudden/anxiety/

sleep/dream theater.

dl.

and she dreams again...

-----listening to: RICK PRICE "if you were my baby" & FANTASIA'S new version of " you were always on my mind". Highly reccomend both!!---

I'm tired like mad now. Trying my best to finish revising a part of my notes for med law. It's been so hard revising for this sub. Nothing much sticks inside, coz ther'es just too much. And I started revising quite early, off and on, when i could.

I have to do my assessed tutorial. I have to take dvd test. I just finished SYMC shoot last week in school, and completed PSA shoot today. Tmr is the MAGAZINE shoot for the rest of the week, and Med Law test is on thurs. OH MY GAWD.

My dear has been extremely patient with me...i feel really bad, but the schedules are madness.
Had SPECS meeting today (aka FYP). Rough cut is done, but we feel more has to be in it. My editor is the best in the world. I swear. My director is i really think just nice for me. We may not have worked well with other directors or producers, and I still thank God for being in this specs group. Vicki, I'm glad in the end, we really did end up in the same specs group like we talked about in yr one. =)

Chris is reminding me about paperwork. I remember---I will get down to all the typing SOON after test is done.

*Takes a breather*.

Now. Im gonna go sleep soon. Please, go look for those two songs on top. lovely renditions. Lovely. While listening, I kept missing you dear. So happy to have you holding my hands, walking with me. Lucky and optomistic, we will see it all thru. Thank you dear.

Vicki, wan an.