and she dreams again...



What's love?
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,
your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival,
your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from
that special someone than other many long e-mails,
you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the
messages in your answering machine because of one message
from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would
not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

...got this from an email my friend sent...such absolutely good timing isnt it....


i feel like crying...coz everything is fake and i know it...the personal happiness will never be there...till the day i get to be with him....and it hurts very bad....and i did smth tht will prob make him not wana tell me things private anymore...why was i so stupid? ...the rash actions are coming back...my old bad stuff is coming back...no....

bro said if i feel like hes more deserving of someone better...then ive already given up...but why don't you try loving loving someone for more than two yrs...and the other doesn't know...i can't, i can't let go, and it's very painful...has a part of me given up? or has a part of me become too obessed with wanting it so bad?

but yet...if it's now...i'm not ready...and i doubt he is either...but then why do i want it so bad...i know, that i have all the ans..and waiting and waiting is a skill i cannot master in such a situation. Yet i have to.

I'm being ignored by you
you tok to everyone else but me...
we prob only had a few words tonite...
and i can't take it...
and yet the last thing i would do to you..is hurt you...
and i think i must haf already in some way...coz i seem to want to be more than friends with you...
i'm sorry, baby.

and she dreams again...


And if love really means to accept one's flaws and living with it, then i'll see if it's alrite with him.

and she dreams again...



Very tired. Time check: 2.08am, and I haf class at 8am. I didn't do any rubbish tonite. It was type proposal immeditely after dinner, send to Mr Cheng, print out TV notes, print out my group's TV project minutes and script, e-mail ana, e-mail my host for the project, check e-mails again, dl some stuff i need, and do edit paper. finished already, now checking if ive not done anything else, excpet of coz study for TV test, which I haven't done.

I'm already beat. Madness, absolutely. Tmr choir com meeting, wed, tv rehearsal, then rush to church to join them for the last stuff, coz im needed. Thurs do second draft for script wiriting. OMG. nite.

and she dreams again...



OLRITE!!! After a superbly boring day, there's good news for me!! My baby made it thru two rounds of auditions and he's going to the finals of the talent time competition!!! He says there are many other good singers! wow...i bet he'll make it thru! he sings and looks like clay aiken! he's my dear....

and she dreams again...


"good try! Go for second round! " - baby

I dunnoe...everyone said it was good...you said it was a gd try...coz you knew tht i can do better...even i didnt think of tt...until mum told me...i miss you very badlt...and its burning in me to tell you so, but i CAN'T. I dun like it one bit. I pretend to be happy tokin to you...but i am and im not. You didnt even bother tt i was cantoring today...you've been ignoring me...maybe coz you feel we're contacing each other too often at one point?..why? why do you do these things to me..giv me hope..and drop me flat...i so friggin wana just tell you, but i know tht would make things worse. your little input, and our less than five min conversations make me very sad. i miss you so much.

and she dreams again...


Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines.
man, schl provides the busy schedule for me daily day in, day out. Choir has had so very many dates to attend to, it's crazy!. I was just discussing wif bro since jan, we've had choir recruitment, charismatic mass, cantor meetings, commitee meetings, normals sunday masses, easter vigil coming up, chrism mass, the yearly mass where all the oils of the churches are blessed...140 priests from all over singapore will be attending....what else...eh...maunday thrus mass...wow. new members are also an additional factor ... and major songs we have to sing for certain masses...alot of coordinating to do...alot of decisions to be made.

editing, stories, ideas, projects...hahaha....this is one busy semester...wonder what it'd be like with my vocal training still going on...and wonder what it'd be like if i was still working part time..whooaa...c-r-a-z-y!

and she dreams again...



WOOHOO!! Finally, i've cantored in church today. Well, personal opinion? bad. But, everyone else's opinion? GOOD. hehehe=) I know it wasn't my best coz i was naturally nervous and all, but I'm very happy i did it. =)

and she dreams again...


didnt check the zorpia link...it works now...

and she dreams again...


I've added the link...go take a look...

this is the link to my photos...dunnoe if it'll work but try it anyways....http://zorpia.com/cgi/album.cgi?00010186

and she dreams again...


all the photos tt i wanted to show you guys are there...=)

and she dreams again...



tmjr cantoring and im still up...terible!! got so drawn to zorpia.com! it gives you FREE storage space for photos!! woohoo!

add me at the same email add...the mel_blue one....it's cooler, way, way cooler than friendster or myspace...my space was just merely faster and pics loading too...but this one...it's personalise it till the very detail you must and can! and add, add , add photos! yes!

and she dreams again...


i think i shld take a pic heh...and ya noe...we played back the video of the dinner nite!! hehehe...gotta see baby on tv again!! hahaha=))

and she dreams again...


hahahah! celebrating kor's b-day tonite with my family friends!!! and we're in my room, having so much crazy fun!!!!! My two godbros...my bestest friends sara and jill...hahaha! and we're really going crazy with the disco ball in my room, and playing simple plan and black eyed peas!!! CRAZY!!!! hehehe...

i'm wearing my marron spagetthi strap...choker, and ...what's under?? hahahah!!! AND the black skirt! hahahahahahah

bought nick martrix reloaded and we have yam cake for him!! hehehe....eldred called.... AGAIN for the fourth time i think?? so nice to hear from him !! then..nick had to tell him what i was wearing! crazy didi!!!! hehehehehehe...

and she dreams again...



It'd really such an odd, weird thing, this bond we call friendship that everyone knows of. Yes, all of us will agree. Sometimes how it makes people good friends, distant friends, forgettable, enemies, to strangers, and then somewhere in out timeline we meet and become close friends again. hahaha. No one will really understand these things. Like ive also talked about so many times before, the six degrees of seperation is evern weirder.

No, I'm fine. Just spelling iut out again because it's one of the weird things in this bizzare world, that first started off so pure and simple.

Tmr i'm cantoring during mass. New clothes, a new improved voice, to praise God and offer it up as my prayer for my busy days.

I'm lost withhin the work I have. I'm not sure where to start.

It's my brother's birthday today=) two decades old. ahahaa. ;p you rawk, bro!

and she dreams again...



Tinybox has a forumsboard now! Totally kewl, dudes!

http://tinyboxmusic.proboards24.com/index.cgi

and she dreams again...



Whoohoo! IS sucked big time today, but later, I went to tampines and did some shopping with mum and nick. Well, God has really been good. We managed to find everything I need for cantoring and easter vigil. I bought a blue blouse, that's really sweet, two shirts, one white and one striped. I also bought ladeis' pants, and a jacket for the suit. I'm all ready to go!!

and she dreams again...



O gosh, o gosh o gosh!! I'm cantoring next sunday. I'm cantoring for easter vigil. Oh gosh.

Went for meeting/practise today. sam has such a nice cosy house, but that's besides the point. I'm very sad, that till now, I still have the nerves problem. I don't know how to describe the most overwhelming feeling of fear i have when he asks me to sing...it's just suddenly, CAN'T SING. Really, i mean it. I hate this feeling and zi've been praying really hard about this. I need to overcome it, coz i know i can sing. I think at the moment, the only way is to practise like crazy. I'm feeling v stressed up. Thurs, we're meeting Corrin Issac, the head commentator, with the rest of the commentators, to go thru all the psslms again, and I so freakin cannot freak out. I can't and I musn't coz if i do, then sunday how? Sam gave me all the high ones too.


I just finished doing half of the boring IS presentation shite. I hate tht. I still have edit paper, proposal, and script due for next week. pending also my TV project.


He turned up for meeting today. It was nice, and also not. I don't know.

and she dreams again...



I was in school till almost ten tonite. Matrox, editing, sorting rushes, and figuring out my idea for trailer edit, and paper edit. I see many more nights like this in the near future. TV, Edit, Regional, Script, possibly even more. Yahoos.

Tmr I declined to join my buddies from tinybox to go ktv again. The work is too much, must and have to finish. Tmr night i have cantor practise meeting at sam's for easter vigil.

Alright, I'm really quite tired tonite. Shall go off now. Don't know if baby is going for practise tmr. What yea

and she dreams again...



I guess it hurts, i mean it does hurt....when someoneyou care about doesn't bother about you. Then why do I keep on bothering?Like angie said, just when you think you're in the game, you're not. Hmm...or like a false alarm? There are just these things we'll never understand coz we'll nvr be told the reaons for which we should be allowed to know. But no one is about to give you the reasons if they don't know that you need them.

Oh well.

So tupid. Agh...

baby, i'm sorry

and she dreams again...


I hope TV project goes well eventually. I'm quite shocked that potter said my sound w.o pictures wasn't the worse. I still have three feet apart not done. Bleah.

Schl was quite a heater oven so when it was over, I went straight down to church to sing for healing mass earlier this evening. It was quite a tiring journey, and I fell alseep. I missed the kembangan station, and alighted at bedok. The timing was just nice anyhoos.

The dress code was all black for choir today; hence why I was clothed in all black. It was terribly hot yar!

I sang solo for the bridge of one of the songs today!! =) Of coz I did feel pretty nervous, though we were not facing the congregation. Thank you Samuel S for givingme the chance. I pulled it off, though a lil pitchy. I'll also be cantoring next sunday, fifth sunday of lent!! *eek*. I believe strength will be granted to me. On that day itself, I'll get to process out with dad!! (when mass starts). *MUST stay healthy*

I've been a lil sad about something though. Everything aside, I hope It's the total opposite of what i'm thinking, but it's just really scaring me. Nvm. I leave it to God.

and she dreams again...



Hi. It was an ok day. I figure it was kinda weird, and it's starting to be that way. The preasure is really building up with all my work. I'm kinda losing control. Anyway, I gtg.


I hope I ddin't do nothing wrong.

and she dreams again...


I have so many sidelines to think about, from singing to PR stuff, to even the f&b line, but isn't it crazy to graduate with A and do Z?

This sem, there are four subjects I want to get at least a B. I know I can.

Yr three is way too fast.

I'm leaving it all to God. I ask of him, please take care of me, my worries about so many things.

and she dreams again...


It was a long day. I took cab three times. I walked in town till I was pretty tired. Of coz that wqas after school. Plus, I'm pretty amazed the LSR teacher said" I have a small brain. You must make it clearer for me to understand." No clowning joke! She even said some of the presentations were good. GAWD. They ahd funny alien looking creatures flying across the screen and she liked it??? They did what "swedish" did too---read off the whole paragraph. w o w .

Anyay, went around looking for a formal shirt blouse that i can buy for cantoring. Couldn't find yet. Was too tired to go any further. Still can't get the blue coloured cross for baby. Speaking of which, I don't know what's up with him.

I'm a little worried now. Schl work, irritating neighbours who just shifted in on top, W, dad's hopeful new job, specialist ( I don't haf a grp yet), and I'm getting darn worried, yes. I also do not know what I want to do after yr three. Do you? Further or work? Work? What am I gonna work as? It's all unsure, and it's all a blur. I'm starting to get nervous. Praying about it and not being able to let any of it go, just plain bad. I want to finish grade 8, but i'm not getting a very supportive ans to that. I'm worrying others, coz after studies, there should be a job I can take up, that will make my career. I don't. yes, I'm going into video, and wana focus on editing, but i'm still feeling allt his craziness.

I tell others to pray about it, and leave it all to God. I wish i could do that right now. easier said than done huh? Certain things need so much more faith.

and she dreams again...



Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. You
keep to yourself aside from a few close friends
that you can relate to



What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

and she dreams again...


Holy spirit, guide, stregthen and console me. Amen.

and she dreams again...



Trust in the lord in anything you do. Be faithful in prayer, and believe. Lean not on your own understanding, but that God will make your paths straight.

It was a good day in choir today.Thr turn out was still despite the fact that meliza, Nick, baby and his bro didn't go. Not even thier parents came. Yes, I made the right decision. I know, I shouldn't skip church just because my close ones are not turning up. I woke up pretty early, followed Mum and Dad to parkway, had lunch, changed the batts of three of my watches, and bought some new neccesities. I was dropped off at church after that. We practised Ave Verum, for the upcoming easter vigil, and we sang holy ground today. I'm proud to say that things between Dad and Mum and Me are alright and good again. Maturity helps alot. I explained to them today, during lunch, after they now have cooled off. I explained to mum the stuff happening the last few days. I even told her about the "progress". hahaha. Well, dad actually also doesn't like me to play pool, but I have been doing so since 17. I tolf him it's fine if you know which laces to go. he's cool about it man. *cool*.

So, i represented all that ddn't turn up for cvhoir today. haha. Roy ddin't cantor well today. I think he lacked practise this week. the poor guy was so nervous. Sam seow shocked me. Why? Coz he told me, that after cantor meeting the other dayt, Babes Conde the woman who wrote scores for musicals like beauty world and forbidden city, trained kit chan and likes of her, kept commetning to sam that I have a really good voice. She told me that day, that my voice is angelic. GOSH! I really, really am very shocked and don't dare to even agree. It's a very big deal, and such an honnour. So, like baby's wish coming true, sam said he's gonna put me in for easter vigil cantoring, together with the others. He needs enuff people also. W o w. <____>!! I SO need to start training again every day!

Now, besides that, I realise that these two weeks is PURE HELLL~~~. Haha. We have ALOT of work due. ALOT.

I leave everything in God's hands man. I need the stength and will power again.

I miss him so much. He's been on shoot these two days, and I haven't heard from him at all. He must be so tired.

nite nite. Pls pray for me.

and she dreams again...



It will all be ok if we believe. amen

and she dreams again...



Some thngs, most things, need to be sorted out by one's self. No one, most of the time, can fully understand another. It' so easy, to have expectations. They are always so hard to continuously fulfil.


Disappointments and expectations are what we have to put up with. Mentally, how much can you handle?


Suicide, a famous escape is what is taking place all over now. If God isn't there, I don't know what I'd be. God bless and have mercy on us all. Make the days lighter, walk with us.


Everyday is tough as it is. Responsibilities and troubles are constantly given to those who believe the most. These are alll tests. Also little reminders that keep us in check. Tomrorrow will be a better day, on second thought, and I will go for choir. Is it becoz it is the right thing to do? Two of them will be working tmr. One on shoot. Another at camp. Shld I go? Do I go just becoz of them? or do I go for God? Do I cantor becoz of myself? Or do I proove it becoz I sing for God? Why do i fear so much? Why do i conform? Why do I take risks? Why do I think so much? I'm not asking thse questions because AI don't know the answers. I dfo know them, and hence I lay them down here, and realise, I handle alot mentally.

I need sleep. Tmr must be a better day.

and she dreams again...



Tmr--to go for choir or not---i can't decide. Lord, if I go for lunch with the folks, please make things better. There's so much I'd like to share with them. Please lord, they've been too hot.


To buy for him or not to buy.


Idea for script.


idea for edit.


Late nights in school.


school???


Hunger. Letargy. Awkwardness. Misunderstood. sad.


Singing. Singing out of tune.


A straight line needs a ruler. a curved line needs more skill.


The skill takes time to hone and establish.


Peace out.

and she dreams again...


The turn left, turn right ringtone sounds really nice--anyone can send?

and she dreams again...



I'm changing dressing--yes. Nope, I'm NOT going to be a different person. It's just a little change I'm taking to look better. it's not something for you to look at me and say, she's trying to be what she's not. In actual fact, it's something more like, I'm going into another stage, I feel, and this change is ideal. It is time, to. There are things I'm gonna need to buy, and but them I will. Slowly i've already started. I'm happy with it. I think to put it simply, i'm just starting to care about alot of stuff I didn't give a damn about before. Ade was telling me some stuff, and I could totally understand what she's going through. it was exactly the same for me. That was the thinking I had back then too.


Many friends come into our lives, and many of them stay. Each of them help us thru some part of our lives, and I think that's very comforting to know.


I'm becoming observant of different colours that might possibly be nice for me to try. I must and I need to break out of black and dark blue. Angelina, my "sis" said that I should try pink. I think maybe not baby pink, but dark pink would be nice. I dont know. I really want to do this, but of coz, unsure too. She'll be there,a nd that's great.


I miss W alot. I pray again, every. is fine.


I'mmcracking up. The skin, the leg has a scar. oh damn. I'm getting too comfortable with the folks. why can't i?

and she dreams again...



I think this is going to be a rather long entry.

I woke up pretty late today, and left in such a hurry, already late, to meet the rest of my chirs, yaya, ade and faith, to celebrate yaya's b-dae. I didn't do every single chore at home---BAD IDEA. I woke up on the wrong side of bed, lack of sleep like I always am, so my eyes were not feeling all that normal. I tot taking cab would be a gd idea, so i did. I just don't like being late, even though i may say that I don't bother. There was a massive jam on the PIE today. Frustrated, I dropped at paya lebar, and took the MRT. I met up with the two girls first, bought candles, went to the cafe, chose a cake, and waited for yaya and chris. We had a good time, taking photos and all. I tot we were going home aftre that. I'm glad we went to ktv after that. Faith met upo with willson, so she left. ktv was really fun! The strange thing was, throughout the whole day, even before meeting up with them, I felt weird. I felt anxious. I didn't understand why. I told them, and they didn't understand either. I tot it's maybe becoz I'm tired, I'm dressing a little differently, I'm worried for W's shoot today, and maybe thats all.

During the ktv itself, I couldnt seem to sing to the pitch of the songs. I usually can. Remembering that I failed my vocal test, did not make things any better. This thought, together with my odd feeling I was STILL having, made me feel somewhat sad. But i knew I was also very happy, that i had such company with me, and that we were singing, some, of which were my favourite chinese songs. Some were songs that were sad, so it just made me a little more melancholic.

We ate at Ajisen at scott's B2. Yes, today was spent alot day, and so was yesterday. But hey, I really do know when I can and cnnot spend. I don't like it that my folks think i donnoe how to handle and spend like there's no tomorrow. I always, always know they mean well, though.

The WHOLE DAY, I've been thinking ALOT. Don't know why, don't know why. Why was i feeling sad? I still don't know why. So, i was most of the time in deep thought. Chris looked beautiful today. She has such great taste, really. Yesterday was a splendid day! And i knew today would bnot be soo plesant. It was, with my friends, but me, how I felt, was just totally w e i r d. I come home, see a note written from dad, who is napping. He's not happy. I left home in a rush, didn't do stuff. ---BAD IDEA. I really shld try very hard to wake up earlier next time. And it was becoz of that, that they comented on me spending and all. ME IS STOOPID. L e a r n I shall--seriously...so not worth it, yea? I wanted to share with them about today, about how I feel like dressing better, about so many things that happened today--but i couldnt. I took so long to come out, tht mum got unhappy. I tried on some clothes before bathing...sheesh.

They told me off, yea, and i was like i knew what was gonna take place already. I knew the exact comments, remarks, and I knew exactly how to react--to just not say a word. It's no point. they were not with me today. How would they understand how I felt? Or what had been going on thru me today. I can't blame them, and ultimately, i knew i was in the wrong.

Baby must have been too tired, coz i don't know how today went. I wish he had a better day. Chris, yay, ade, faith, I had a splendid day with you guy/girls...=) It's just me today that wasn't in such a good state of mind. God forgive my ever so often mistake.

and she dreams again...



Today turned out to be so much better than yesterday!! Although presentation was a bit nervous..hahaha
Had an absolutely splendid time with angelina!!!!!!! she's hot, she rawks, sh'e my baby's brother's gf!! Knew her in OI too...ahaha...and she and zelia were gd friends too!! so totally crazy!!! hahaha!! Me ended up meeting a few other OI friends in far east and cine...cine was crowded coz of SHE! what the....gee. Had delicious pasta mania dinner! The gurl trested...haiz...she refuse to let me treat! Then, i bought new lip gloss! =)

Went hoem and spoke to baby for super long..hehehehe....kk, i gtg....shcl work is piling, piling, piling. baby taking part in talentime!! woohoo!

and she dreams again...



What's going on?? Since saturday, Ive been experiencing this "one day bad, one day good" kinda thing.The days since Saturday have been like this: Sat-bad day, Sunday- superb, Mon-bad bad day. Tues, peaceful and odd, Today, shit.

Audio project screwed.

Baby didn't msg me to call. i still haven't helped him with his script. I don't know what's going on.

I FAILED my VOCAL TEST. That's the last straw for today. I'm really in a very shitty mood right now.

I'm producer for TV studio, and Ive got a host. yeah. I really can't continue with audio no longer. I want to get thru and go on with video. I need to get started on editing ideas. I have a freakin presentation tmr. prepared but now so no mood. No ideas for trestment due tmr. Still haen't done audio analysis for docu.

what the hell.

and she dreams again...




It was a very peaceful day today. The weather made it oddly nice, but also somehow the sorta day one would somehow end up doing some reflection about anything at all.

and she dreams again...



It was a good day, though schl got really tiring especially during "swedish" lesson. Went home, had a very short nap, dressed, tookl dinner and went for cantor meeting. W and I didn't get to talk much, though, but we did catch up later with sms and on the phone. His first time acting in a short film, by his other poly friend, and the script, which is suppose to be the final script, has the wrong format and it's full of grammatical errors. Even if you're not professional, it ain't excusable to have grammer mistakes in a final script! The lines are pretty bad too. He's by nature, and nurture, a really sweet boy, and they asked him to act a sick, rich guy's role. I don't know if he can act, coz he has never done so, but, this role is really pretty demanding, and if not acted well, with these cheesy lines, it' so gonna sound like "steve and May" again. Baby can do it, i know he can. However, I hope he's up to it, for the number of times they are gonna re-shoot each take, to get it right in the first place, then to have to retake for different camera angles. Oh dear.

I will be going through the script with him tmr. Going to get him prepared for what he needs to noe. Also, run thru the lines, the expressions, the actions needed. Well, of course, all not with the knowledge of his friend, coz it isn't nice to send scripts ard just like that. Well, he will have a good experience I hope. Three day shoot over the weekend. Won't see him in church. =( . They Have many locations, so I suspect it's gonna be a full three day shoot.

Cantor meeting had a special guest today. Ms Babes Conde, who had been the vocal trainer for Kit Chan, Fann Wen Fang, wrote musical scores for Forbidden city and Beauty World. She went through some basic vocal thecnics which Aaron had taught us all in class. However, it was indeed refreshing to hear it translated in English!! hahaha.

We had to solo as usual, and I was extremely shocked that Ms Babes commented my voice is angelic, and sweet; but the nervousness gets to me. She could hear the tension in my voice. The strange thing is, I pray so hard that I can yield back the confidence I had when I performed in stage for Dad and Mum the other night, I need to find it again. W wants me to cantor again. Everyone wants me to give it a shot again. I know I can. Just really have to learn to relax and be calm, like when I'm in studio and on stage. I've conquered it all already. I'm sure this new responsibility, which has come to me for the third time, shouldn't be a problem, I hope and believe. W, like I knew, has been selected for Easter vigil again. Sianz, to him hahaha.

The MATORX room in schl now finally has headphones!~~ Audio Technica. gee, why didn't they just get it beginning of this sem??? Need to get around to watching two more films for to decide on which trailer I'd like to do. This time, it's 30& for the edit, which includes VO and alot more thought. Which is funky, and cool to me. r i t e . 10% for the paper edit. Alrite, lets' be frank here, I like paperwork, but dislike it just as much. hahaha.

Specialist grp has two, including me thus far. Anyone interested in video + audio combined project?

Okies, that's all.

Good nitez all.

and she dreams again...



It was a most eventfully uneventfull and eventful day. Yes, That's right. Woke up bright and early, to dress up and kick start my day. Ana and I are starting to really love skirts. . . uhhum. Anyway, Off to school, life sciences class was on the topic of DNA today. That wasn't too bad. It was a nice and short lecture too. Nearly had a bad fall coz it was so terribly slippery today. Went for lunch, and something childish and shocking happened. It was immature.

Well, after that, My friends and I went off to west mall, did some shopping and went home. Made some good buys. Will continue, time for dinner. Had great company and friends' support today. Even baby found it funny.

and she dreams again...



Let's just say God is really Good. I knew it was going to be a great day in church today, and it truly was.=) New members of our choir are staying with us, and w wasn't suppose to come today, but he came coz of the cantoring. I will be restarting my cantoring in April,and may be singing for easter vigil too if I'm lucky. =)

I thought i'd made him upset today, coz I accidentally said something I shouldn't have said, but I apologised, and explained. Actually, I said something about him wearing braces, ONLY on the bottom set of teeth. isn't that cute??? hahaha.Anyway, he's adorable really. A gentleman, fully. After mass, My family and I had to play for RCIA as usual. poor Roy had been ill. He's the RCIA leader, who is also a cantor, so I know him some time ago already. W didn't want to bring home his contor file, coz he forgot to put it back into the choir room, so...lazy bones left it with me. I of coz, am more than happy to keep it and bring it to church for him again on Tues. Well, also becoz he wants me to start pratising again. *aww*. He shocked me when he sent me two msgs and called me right after RCIA. We ended up chatting for qwuite a while, before my family and I went for dinner. He's a sweetie pie i tell ya. hahah.

let's just say, I'm very lucky, really. Im sure many of you have had the feeling that only one person can make you so happy, and make you grin till your cheeks ache. Yeap. he's even trying out acting in his friend's short film this coming weekend. Am so proud of him. So, here we are, both motivating each other, and both having each others' interests at heart. happy.


[ The grestest thing, in all my life, is knowing you. The greatest thing in all my life is loving you.The grestest thing in all my life is serving you]

Thank you Lord.

Thank you mum. She;s not angry anymore. She's my sweet mum.

Thank you baby

and she dreams again...



Please pray for my gd friend's paternal grandmother who just passed way on fri. Thanks. May God bless and keep you.


Nite dears.

and she dreams again...



Christin,e zelia, thanks for staying up wif me tonite. Chris, i read that you said, there are these people called what of society?? erm, the pple who insulted you and all? well, please help me think of a solution to people who diliberately choose when to talk to you, and when not. I think it;s so rude, not to reply smsed that are urgent. I think it's so rude, to take a person for granted, and think lowly of a person. I think it's rude, to ignore someone. I think it's rude, rude, and downright hurting, to choose when to talk to a person, and when not. period.

It is not normal human behaviour. And i'm sure this isnt me being sensitive. Cummon, look here, how would you feel if you had to face this kind of shit? It's been too long a period odf time, and I'm petty much running out of patience, despite the respect i have for the person. You noe, it's like you try and try, fogetting each time, putting it aside, but its gets so painfully irritating.

Thank goodness it aint family matters.


yes, the "genre" of my last two posts have been pretty diff from my usual happy ones, but it's just the really bad day today.

I forgot to mention i ought a toering, for the first time veer, and it broke beforei could wear it. sigh.

and she dreams again...



Hi. It was a day of bad events till early evening.

I must have woken up much too early. Definitely.

Went out with mum, and later met up with the rest of my family. Thing is, we had a tiff. One that wasn't too serious, but was upsetting on both sides. She didn't talk to me for a while today. I still feel upset abt iut. I hope shes not mad anymore. Mum, I'm sorri. KK.

Our family is now looking for a digi video cam. We already have a digi cam. ......still....

Now hear is what is tearing me inside along with today's events: See, I mentioned that I can't use the digi cam rite? That, irritates me to bits. I'm not truested to have the cam with me , ALONE. So, there goes my chances of taking photos. Same rules goes with the vid cam. Why, it seems, coz I don't take care of things well. Heh, But Ive had stuff like cd players, headphones, for yrs on now, and it's certainly still working fine. The mobile I bought last yr hasnt a single scratch at all.


I noe, but I'm so very furious. Bro gets to use both, forever and ever and ever. I want to use them too...I like photography so much, I visualise things and I don't get to snap and keep and display them. It really is flustering.
And even then, those who do have cams in yr two or three for tt matter, all, except one, seem to be the elder one in the family! Girls, guys, you're lucky man.

So, on one hand, bro doesnt let me have it, coz hes told not to. On the other, he dotes oen me till recently, he loves to pinch and "pat" me so hard. Agh. What kind of a position am i suppose to take up??? *tears*.


[ I so hate it that i noe i'm whinning now]

nyway, it really wasn't a good day. Came home, feeling odd, lay in my room, with the radio on, a new disco ball in my room, yes, a disco ball, a smaller version like those in zouk and stuff...and i lied down on my bed. For no reason, I started crying. This isn't like before, when I cried because I .. I was prob a bit "offf" then. I think it was the making mum desrest upset, myself, the way i acted and all, and realising tht im still not very trusted. Then the tears just rolled out onto my pillow and all. I felt much better after that.

Met my uncle's family for dinner, and we went to hougang again!! dad ordered an array of dishes, and crab was one of them!!!. Strangely, he ddn't say anything abt what happened. Oh forgive me. At dinner, I was still quite "sluggerish", but after that, we headed down to Changi's beach,where many many people were fishing. Then after a 3km walk, we went to changi village for supper. Ice kachang made my day. hahaa.

It was quite a weird day. Good nite.

Tmr will be better. That, I'm sure *smilez*

and she dreams again...



Sometimes I wonder, i obviously do it partly for him. hehe. Those days are coming back again. =) I think I'm liking this part of me much more. No more laughing at me, some of you girls.

and she dreams again...



I'm suppose ot be fast asleep ages ago, but i didn't go to sleep. For some strange reason, I stayed up to sort out my many necklaces, braceleyts and rings. Ridiculous. It's all much neater now. I realise I enjoy my comfort too much, in what i wear and what i use, so much so that I don't touch what other accessories i have.

I ended up doing some over due sewing ...yes, over due for two motnhs or what seems to be much longer. The needle hole is so tiny, my eyes are a bit bonkers now. All this girlish stuff, it's hard to explain to you, but I'm accepting all of a sudden. Ever since last saturday night, where I wore the gown, the shawl, the high heels, and the jewellery.

I seem to realise a part of me, a side of me that i've been hiding for various reasons. I'm making effort to do smth with the "image" like I was telling Wen. Please, don't start thinking crazy tots. No, I've not done anything outrageous. I still will prob look very much the same, but I'm starting to...take care of that girlish side. wow.

and she dreams again...



nite everyone. Wrote quite a bit for today.


Nite baby.

and she dreams again...



and I'm missing him

Had yam ice cream with almond nuts earlier...whooo...delicious.

and she dreams again...


But no matter, i'm pretty impressed.

and she dreams again...



Am watching channel five's telemovie now. Last week's was not so very impressive, but this week's is really not bad. The lighting is interesting, and the cinematography is good. Shot on film, and shot on video is really different. Not only that, i don't know what it is aboiut the telemovie, but it's different. Heh, perhaps i would need a senior to tell me that.

and she dreams again...



having mum's delicious macaroni later!! yahoo...can't wait for dinner!

and she dreams again...




Whoa. I just finished mopping the house. Mum bought a new mop...i loved using the dry mop, but this one...oh man!! I've got blisters and the joints are aching!! Man, what my mum goes thru must be terrible! Feel like i came back from one of those running competitions!

and she dreams again...



Good noon!! I'm gonna get started with some house chores...yes, at 4.55pm. *uhhum*. Anyways, It's sweet to know friends still care. ahaha. Thanks Wen. Tag board is always so quiet, I'm never quite sure who reads. hehe. Anywhows, to all who do, thank you!! Tag me, tag me. it's so quite ard here...*lol*

One thing i realised: I've stopped writing proper english here again!!! *shite*. Nvm. I forgivr myself. wahaha.

At least i have fulfiled one of the most important resolutions this year---with me family. That is important. Yeap. =)

and she dreams again...



Introducing besides Wen's page, Retromonks news page, still very unused, and paranoid pictures page, started by shaun koh and zu boon. I seem to terribly miss these people. Boons page is below, if you guys haven taken notice. Sll threes good friends got pages started and pretty new. =)


Good nite. Did my regional cinema presentation material. Tired as it is.


Nite baby.

and she dreams again...



After reading some of wen's recent entries, and another friend's last enrty, it made me wonder how friends once so close, can drift away, and just so suddenly, stop talking. I dun understand how thatr hapopens. And yet, it's quite funny, how close friends are still so close despite the distance between them, and the long periods of time they don't keep in touch, I guess true friends are really those who still care for each other deep down inside, and when you do get to meet onbce in a blue moon, the feeling you get is something special. And sadly, with some, if you don't keep intouch regularly, you just fade off thier world gradually. then when you do talk again, it's weird. The feeling is awkward.

I'm happy though, that family is different. Everyday, together or apart, the gurantee of love for each other is forever and ever there.

I'm happy, that I do have some speicla friends who will never leave me. But, I am sad that I have lost some friends who meant a lot, alot to me. Please, with God's grace, forgive me? Please realise that you will always have a speicla part in me. And maybe with God's grace too, you'll be reading this entry I write, and the few oithers that i have written.


I am good and well. Thank you.

and she dreams again...




It's wonderful to wake up late in the afternoon, praticurly everyday, to see mum happy, and when I greet her, she greets back with a tinch of sweetness in her voice. The special event last saturday realy made a difference to my family. I'm happy, delighted and comforted. It feels really good. The feeling is quite difficult to describe.

Dad has said in so many words, that his chidren are all grown up; one fine gentleman, and oen fine lady. He said all the frustration was well worht it. Those words touch me so deeply.

I love you mum and dad.

and she dreams again...



afternoon!! happy anniv dad and mum!!

wen has a new page! Do check it out! ;p *lol*.

and she dreams again...




Good vening!!
Mum and the rest of us back home are still so very happy. Mum has been sending e-mails to our guests, and all of them have come back with words like "Nick and Mel did such a grest job. The food was great, the programme was fabulous..." "the night was perfect, you should be so proud of your children" and stuff like that. Feel so embarrased, but truly delighted. Guess my bro and I realli haven't worked so hard on anything else before. I'm extremely happy that my parents enjoyed themselves, and that my guests all had a good time.

=) Today woke up some part of the afternoon, did a little chores,a nd FINALLY got to watch my "The Hours" DVD. *yesh!!* The bonus features have realli good stuff. I've no regrets whatsoever in purchasing this movie. It was my fav movie of the year and I really enjoyed watching it again.

Well, results for my vocal test will be out next week when school re-opens, and I'm still wondering what they're gonna give me. Ive no idea. Either way, pass or fail, i'll still go on with life. yup :) Dominic is going for audition tom, so i'll be going back there. Next few days will be meeting with old friends. That will be nice.

Oh yes, I bought a realli nice black skirt at esprit on sunday. It's a more casual wear, more funky sort. heh. Look nice in it. *yay*

and she dreams again...


hahah, rich, thanks...didn't notice i wrote march...=) How r ya?? :)


hey everyone, my parent's wedding anniversary celebration last saturday night was like a dream. It was perfect. The pre-dinner performance by My choir friends, me and my bro went very well. The dinner was excellent, andboth my solo songs and my bro's went smoothly as well. My dad's surpise song for my mum was great too! I shocked many when i came out in a long, black strapless gown, a translucent purple shawl, make up, and two inch high heels. "he" said I looked very pretty..heheheheehe....like three times!! keke=) Sorri, am too happy about that. Anyways, God really works wonders...and all through the night, little blunders were covered up. I wasn''t nervous one bit when I went on stage and performed. I was shocked. I just went up and did my stuff. =)

Like my choir friends said, the night was overflowing with love...and it never ended throughout the whole dinner. To all my dearest friend,s thank you.

To our great God, Thank you Lord, for all your blessings.